The Three C's


Awareness can lead us to wholeness when our goal is to love ourselves enough to change.   

Becoming aware of the poisonous lies of orphan and victim mindsets and the steps necessary to change.

I can remember as a little girl; approximately 5 or 6 already believing I was adopted and that I did not belong to my family of origin, and this I believed even though I was a twin. There were many times I sat either in my bedroom battling these toxic thoughts within my head or in my backyard alongside our family dog Taffy, crying to her and discussing with her why I believed this to be true. She always listened and it is sad to say, the orphan and victim mindset I partnered with, had me believing she was the only one who did, and who truly cared. Am saying all of this from a victim or orphan stance today? Ah Heck no!  I am sharing this to produce awareness because I know that when Jesus showed this gold nugget to me, it changed my life forever and I do not want to keep it to myself. 

As I continued through life, I never felt like I fit in or belonged and so, would try even harder to be accepted and liked by my family and peer groups which took on the form of people pleasing and betrayal of my own self.  Instead of being me and being okay with that, I morphed into what I believed they would like and approve of. Down deep, I feared being left out, excluded or forgotten so agreed to whatever they wanted to do, just so I could be included. As a young child, those agreements personally, did not inflict harm upon me, but as I grew older, agreeing to drugs, drinking and sex, even when I did not want to, did. What I did not realize then is that the things I feared and expected to happen actually did because I produced them myself.  Since I expected to not fit in, not belong, be rejected or be excluded, my behavior produced exactly what I expected. I produced the outcomes by continually speaking out the toxic lies orphan and victim mentalities produce and continued to allow them to rent space free of charge in my brain. The more I spoke them out, the deeper the seeds were planted and the heartier the roots systems became and so as years passed, I eventually reaped the fruit of those toxic proclamations

One of the first stops Jesus took me on as we pursued complete inner healing was to change the way I thought about myself and Him too. He began re-establishing resetting my mindsets from orphan and victim, to His beloved daughter, defined only by Him. He showed me how those toxic mindsets did not align with being a daughter of a King, His Victory at The Cross, The Resurrecting power of The Tomb or what God promises throughout the bible to all His children. If God says that I was created in His image and I am His, than believing I do not belong or fit in does not align with His truth. In addition, John 14:18 says; I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you, and if I still believed I was forgotten, passed over, did not matter or even invisible, than that was a me thing because God said I wasn't. He began explaining to me the importance of receiving my entire identity from Him and only Him. As long as I was looking for my identity, value, worth or purpose from here on earth, I would continue to live on my unstable fault line and not have His peace resting within my soul. 

Even though it felt uncomfortable and foreign to me at first to speak bible verses over myself, I continued to get uncomfortable for Jesus and daily chose to do something different. As I began declaring His truths over myself, at first they were just mere words, but as the days, weeks, months and years went by, these spoken words of divine daughter-hood began shifting things within my mind, heart, spirit and soul.  As this happened, breakthrough came in so many forms and in so many areas in my life that I have lost count. I had no idea at the time, but He was giving me a new brain, heart and spirit now anchored in His truth and in agreement with what He has always said about me.  The old toxic pathways of my brain that were rooted and grounded in lies were now washed away by The blood of Jesus, sanctified and made whole. As I continued to speak divine truth over every square inch of my body, new neural pathways were created and I soon was now grounded and rooted in His gracious, perfect and pure love. 

As I allowed Jesus’s truth, His light to come into the places of darkness within my heart, spirit and soul, my thoughts of not belonging turned into thoughts of knowing who I belonged to and that was God Himself. I made a conscious effort to hold every thought that did not produce life within me, captive and get rid of it. I replaced those toxic thoughts with life giving ones straight from His word and His word only. During this mind transformation phase, Holy Spirit showed me a toilet and said, “flush the lies away!”  Since then, I have mastered the art flushing by recognizing quickly the root of the thought and I hit the flush handle the second I know it is not a holy thought but a deadly toxic one.  Today, I see both my brain and my heart as a beautiful creation by God and I am passionate about protecting and loving them by keeping anything harmful at bay. 
2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.       

As I aggressively and faithfully set out on my quest to uncover the root of my orphan mindset, I grabbed a hold of the source I knew would be the best guidance counselor and that would be Jesus. His word says to ask, and you shall receive so I stepped out in faith and did just that. As I asked Jesus to disclose to me where it all originated; He quickly responded by showing me a memory of my mom continually saying to me “Your father wanted to stop at two kids, but I wanted more.”  Since I was her 3rd pregnancy, what little Marcia Ann heard was “Your dad did not want you.” Do I believe my mom said this to intentionally hurt me?  Of course not!  She had no idea she was producing those thoughts inside my brain, that’s my brain not hers.  I was the one who chose to give those words and my parents so much power over me and allowed it to determine what I even thought of myself. She too was a wounded individual with needs unmet herself, and just trying to parent the best way she knew how to. Today I get that and so forgave her when Jesus showed me that memory which is a very important step, but He then showed me that little Marcia Ann who was the one still in pain needed to be the one doing the forgiving in order to for me as an adult to be free and move on. If I chose to continue to hang onto what was causing me brokenness inside, I would continue to create brokenness around me, and I would also continue contaminating my life today and I was just so over that.  Forgiveness is necessary but so is feeling and releasing.

I am a firm believer in challenging myself so I can achieve breakthrough and freedom and I came up with a little slogan I like to call The Three C’s – Commit to Challenging yourself to Change.  I can tell you from personal experience and coming from a place of both orphan and victim mindsets, it required me to accept the challenge to commit to the change necessary within my own being for my circumstances today to change. I knew it was not going to be easy because it was a belief system and mindset I had partnered with and planted firmly in place for a very long time, but I now knew and accepted that I was worth it and I knew that no matter what, God was not going to leave me, which for someone who believed she was alone was already a huge step in the right direction.  In addition, I also came into agreement with His word that says; Greater is He that is in me than he that is in this world so I knew that God within me would be able to grant me the strength necessary for every challenge I faced. 
1 John 4:4 - You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 

You can read about my complete journey from shame to grace in my book Sanctified and Set Free. 

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